The worst part about owning stuff is selling it

And it's not the loss of sentimental value. It's a feeling called the Facebook Marketplace blues. Some levity (at my expense) on a wonderful Sunday. Enjoy.

The following is from an actual ad that I have running on Facebook Marketplace:

$500. Lightly used Thule T2 Pro rack. It’s in excellent shape.

https://www.rei.com/product/190985/thule-t2-pro-xtr-2-bike-hitch-rack

This rack was used once for a single trip and has sat in my shop ever since. They are $750 new, if you can find one. It’s a great rack. It’s one of a few dozen items I’ve sold over the summer to settle expenses related to my recent divorce. Most of the big-ticket items I listed were sold to folks I actually knew, and those transactions were at the very least painless, if not outright pleasant. Thank you all, by the way. I made my nut.

But, alas and alack, even paradise, I am sure, has a few harps out of whack—to which almost anyone who’s ever placed a for sale ad for anything will, I am quite sure, readily attest.

Here are some astounding questions, comments, and concerns I’ve fielded over the last month related to just this bike rack:

• How many bicycles does it hold?

• Do I need a hitch?

• How does it mount?

• Roof or bumper mount?

• Will it hold an e-bike?

• Smoke-free home?

• Will it hold two motorcycles?

• What’s wrong with it?

• I’ll be there in an hour with $300.

• Why are you selling it?

• $500, really? I’m looking at another one for $400.

• Are you interested in a trade for a CB radio?

• The item appears to be of good quality and at a fair price. I will send my friend to you with a certified check for you if you will kindly work with him on pickup by sending your address and phone number.

• I’ll be there after work (shows up four hours later, two hours after dark, one hour after everyone has gone to bed, and tries to let himself onto the property, introducing himself to my farm dogs).

The last guy nearly got shot. The next morning I checked my messages and saw that he’d decided to go out to eat before coming over. After that, slagging and threats at 11 p.m. At least he nearly died on a full stomach.

Although Facebook Marketplace, like all of Facebook, is particularly miserable, it’s by no means unique. The worst part about owning good stuff is selling it.

As someone who has, for decades, collected guitars, musical instruments, PA equipment, motorcycles, and other items that tend to be bought, sold, and traded quite a bit, I’ve been around the block a few times. Because I value my time and have a low threshold for knuckleheads, I try to buy, sell, and trade musical instruments only on platforms that attract other serious and seasoned enthusiasts. But because of where I live, a remote small town in the Northern Rockies, I’m often forced to sell items where shipping would prove prohibitively difficult or expensive, locally. So the motorcycles, SxS, and a few other large items were put up for sale on about a half-dozen regional buy-sell-trade sites.

Oh, the stories I can tell. My top-ten hits from this summer’s listings:

1. Listing for a SxS: I’m on my way from (a city 240 miles away) with a trailer and a generous cash offer (several thousand dollars and 25% less than the listed price, which was already well below book). You won’t get a better offer than this. Please have the unit washed and ready with all of the paperwork signed when I arrive in four hours. I’ll text you when I’m a half hour away. When he texted me that he was a half hour away, I told him to turn around and go home. Does that make me a bad person?

2. Listing for a six-year-old Thule two-seat bicycle and ski trailer for toddlers: Why are you selling this?

3. Listing for a brand new, high-quality router kit: Would you consider donating it to my non-profit? Can you send me a copy of your 990? What’s a 990?

4. Listing for an inexpensive exercise bicycle: Since you are not asking very much, how about just giving it to me? Dude. You owe me $20 for wasting my time.

5. Listing for one of my ex’s dogs, a beautiful German Shepherd who’s just not a great farm dog, I’m trying to rehome without a fee: Would you consider bringing him here (several hundred miles) so that I can see how well he gets along with my Yorkie? If I like him, I’ll give you a few bucks for your trouble.

6. Listing for a late model, very low mileage (a few thousand miles), difficult to obtain motorcycle, bone stock, at price well below book: I’ll need to see all of the maintenance records to make sure that you kept up with everything. Also, please give me the phone number of your mechanic. And kindly provide me with a vehicle report.

7. Listing for another high-value late-model motorcycle: Would you consider a trade for a Plymouth Neon? It’s in really good shape.

8. Listing for a new 300’ roll of Sharkbite PEX flexible water pipe: I see that it’s still coiled. Have you used it?

9. Listing for the Thule rack, always reliable hit maker: How much does it weigh? A lot; it’s beefy; the exact weight is listed in the specs. “A lot” isn’t very helpful; my car weighs “a lot.” My house weighs “a lot.” Can you be more specific? Well, less than either of those. But for exactly how much less, weigh your house and car, check the specs, then subtract the amount listed there.

10. Listing for a small audio mixer for a few hundred dollars: I’ll take it off your hands for a hundy if you throw in the rest of the PA shown in the picture (about 5 grand).

The good news is that I’m nearly done. I sold everything that I needed to, and I mostly got exactly what I wanted out of each item. And you know what? I wasn’t even sad to see a lot of the stuff go. Bad juju, it was. I’m better off without it. I knew that there would be better days ahead, and I’m living them now. Just a few more items, and I’m outta Marketplace, Craigslist, newspaper classifieds, etc. That I won’t miss at all.

Oh, yeah. I’ve decided to keep the rack. All sentimental value. It reminds me that no matter how much my life went temporarily off the rails, my nadir would be a lot of people’s dream zenith.

If you have a good story along these lines to tell, leave it in the comments below (paid subscribers) or in Notes.

Cheers all.

Associated Press and Idaho Press Club-winning columnist Martin Hackworth of Pocatello is a physicist, writer, and retired Idaho State University faculty member who now spends his time with family, riding bicycles and motorcycles, and arranging and playing music. Follow him on Twitter @MartinHackworth, on Facebook at facebook.com/martin.hackworth, and on Substack at martinhackworthsubstack.com.