Wokeism is the world's newest religion

And I want no part of it, either. Today I burnish my Thomas Paine credentials. Yes, I feel your opprobrium. I just hope that more than six people show up at my funeral.

“He had lived long, did some good and much harm. Photo by JOHN TOWNER on Unsplash

I keep rolling the infamous Anthony Fauci quote, “I represent science,” around in my head. Fauci uttered this pearl during a TV interview in which he criticized Republican lawmakers who were questioning him about his involvement in gain-of-function research, which they believe is responsible for the creation of the SARS-CoV-2 virus. The enhanced virus, as current thinking goes, more likely than not escaped from a laboratory in Wuhan, China, resulting in millions of deaths and worldwide socioeconomic devastation.

“I represent science” encompasses all of the sage wisdom and rigorous intellectual merit of a bumper sticker slogan when used in the context in which Fauci uttered it. “I represent science” wasn’t even true in Fauci’s case, since precious little science had transpired in the early days of COVID. Fauci, Collins, and others were giving opinions at the time (many of which subsequently proved to be incorrect), not facts based on settled science. And their insistence that the rest of us believe in and trust “the science” was more of an attempt to shut down debate (and possibly cover some inconvenient tracks) than anything else.

Believing in science is an oxymoron. When science is done properly, evidence does all of the explaining. Believe has nothing to do with it. Nonetheless, the shibboleths continue among progressives. That is because “believe the science” and other nonsensical axioms currently en vogue with the far left are homilies in the world’s newest religion, Wokeism.

The religion of Wokeism is the trendy new thing among progressives—something like Rastafarianism, without the Ganja. Interestingly, the parallels between Wokeism and biblical religions are numerous and quite astonishing when you get into them.

Biblical religions compel you to remember the Ten Commandments by making sure that they are posted everywhere and raising hell if you object to their presence. Wokeism compels you to sign ideological diversity statements before you can get a job and makes sure that you stay unemployed if you don’t.

Biblical religions imprint their propaganda on things as ubiquitous as legal tender. Wokeism imprints itself by indoctrinating your kids in public schools and your workplace with mandatory fealty to DEI scriptures.

Biblical religions have historically punished heretics via auto-da-fé and, more recently, through blood atonement and jihad. Wokeists support setting cities on fire as the price for having a sizable population of people who do not belong to oppressed classes.

Biblical religions have many private colleges and universities dedicated to educating the faithful. Wokeism has the Ivy League.

Biblical religions claim that any contradictions between literal interpretations of unlikely events (creation in seven days, walking on water, virgin birth, resurrection, etc.) and modern science should be settled in favor of pseudoscientific religious interpretation instead of strictly science. Wokeism takes a slightly less convoluted path by just claiming we are the science.

Biblical religions are obsessed with numbers. Three and a half hours for heathen worship, 4 corners, 7 seals, ten commandments, twelve disciples, forty years, 666 (the number of the beast, etc.) My old climbing buddy, Tim A, used to go on in long, cold bivouacs high up on big walls about getting rich down in the flat world by inventing a religion and becoming a televangelist. “All you gotta have is lotsa numbers, good clothes and a convincing smile.” If he’d have ever pulled the trigger, I believe that he’d have made bank. But even Tim A. has his standards. Wokeism is obsessed with religious numerology as well. It’s known as statistics for social sciences.

But the most disturbing parallel (well, short of death to infidels) between biblical religions and Wokeism is that both want to compel you to ignore what is right in front of you, as plain as the nose on your face, in favor of nebulous and poorly supported beliefs. Depending on which side I’m listening to, I’m supposed to accept, sans evidence, that either I need to get my act together because The Rapture is near or that I need to get onboard with the equally unlikely notion that the abandonment of merit—accomplishment, work ethic, integrity, or even the right answer in a math problem—will, through the miracle of equity, make the world a better place.

The only thing that Wokeism lacks that biblical religions have right now are temples at which to gather and worship. But graffiti-covered public buildings in major cities are rapidly becoming the woke equivalent of a steeple with a cross on top.

The attraction of religion to humans has been around, at least since we’ve been able to keep records about it. In some ways, I get it. You’re here one day, gone the next. That’s a scary proposition for a lot of people. The concept of a blissful afterlife seems mighty attractive after years of earthly struggle, though I’m pretty sure that many believers are a bit cloudy on the rules required to get there.

But I think that the bigger draw is the attraction of sharing rarefied air with the rest of the true believers. “We’re right; the rest of you are wrong” is a popular sentiment among humans with a long historical record. It’s difficult to get away from the fact that humans are imbued with tribal instincts that are difficult to overcome. The need to feel superior is part and parcel of tribalism.

In the case of biblical religion, it goes something along the lines of: we believe that there are golden scrolls buried in a hill just off an Interstate highway. That enlightenment makes us more virtuous than you. In the case of Wokeism, it goes something along the lines of: we believe that everything accomplished thus far in human history is the result of colonialism and oppression. That enlightenment makes us more virtuous than you.

From where I sit, I see little, in a general philosophical sense anyway, that distinguishes Wokeists from Fundamentalist Christians, Jihadists, or anyone else that wants to force me to accept nonsense under threat and duress, which is the easiest way to sell it to non-believers. They all want the rest of us to comply, like it or not. They will all subvert the rule of law without any stain on their conscience for their own higher moral purposes. The only difference seems to be the payoff. Wokeists get theirs in the here and now, where we can all see that it’s malarkey. Everyone else has to wait.

For anyone who hasn’t doused their screen with gasoline and set it on fire yet, I object to the practice of no religion—not even Wokeism. For all I know, all of you are automatons sent here to test and tempt my moral turpitude. How the hell am I supposed to know what the universe is all about? Try several years of quantum mechanics in physics graduate school to get your mind right. Then you’ll know how little you know. All I have to offer is my own confusion.

You believe in what you want. All I want is for you to keep your evangelism to yourself. No moralizing, DEI statements, or jihad. It’s a small ask. Why is it so difficult?

Associated Press and Idaho Press Club-winning columnist Martin Hackworth of Pocatello is a physicist, writer, and retired Idaho State University faculty member who now spends his time with family, riding bicycles and motorcycles, and arranging and playing music. Follow him on Twitter @MartinHackworth, on Facebook at facebook.com/martin.hackworth, and on Substack at martinhackworthsubstack.com.